Why not feel good about life, despite everything going wrong? I don’t know, it feels paradoxical, but I don’t have a good reason why not to feel good. Each of those things could make me feel bad but if it’s all happening all at once it almost feels absurd in a way, like, how could things ever be good, with all the pain and suffering in the world.

Another thought: times like yesterday when I was feeling really down, the world felt dark and cold, the meaning in that suffering is that: it lets me be on the high end of the spectrum too, tentatively where romantic connection lies. I don’t know for sure, but that’s how it feels. See original point about needing to journal. This is all such a mess between the breakup and medication and everything else. I have no idea what’s causing what. Another reason to paradoxically feel good. Because well amidst everything going on, why not?