Hey it’s ok that you don’t want to be with me

For a while I didn’t really have the confidence in life to be myself

I’d do things that I thought I was supposed to do, because I thought I was supposed to do them

I would do things because I thought they were expected of me

I’d try to please my partners, putting more of an emphasis on what they want instead of what I want

It took me a while to grow out of that

I know exactly what I want in life and in a relationship. It took me a while to figure it out. Now I also have the confidence to act on it.

A lot of this attitude can be described as the thought: I am who I am. Take it or leave it.

I had to become less of a dopamine driven person to truly feel this attitude. It was dopamine that made me do things because I expected some reward. Because i wanted to please. Because I thought I should. It was goal driven. It wasn’t happiness driven. It’s serotonin that makes me feel happy, to a point where I don’t need anything, and relationships become an added bonus in my life. Something that came from already feeling happy. Something based on happiness. I had to rediscover serotonin in order to really internalize this. And I hadn’t back then. That’s why all that stuff happened. That explains so much of me.

So it’s okay if you don’t want to be with me.